Wandering Thoughts of an Anxious Yogi

My body is still buzzing from the electric vibrations of the harmonium. The piercing hum of our collective OHM still tingling in the air – rippling, ripping and rising and touching our bodies with waves of fire. Shins to chins and hearts to the sky, we rise and fall like the sun and moon pirouetting beneath a thick canopy of falling stars . Our eyes are closed in lotus and deeper and deeper we delve into the stillness of the moment – ujjayi breathing, third-eye blinking and fingertips clasping into ancient mudras.

We do so much that we forget to be.

This is what I feel right now. This is what I need right now. I start to imagine what my life was before I started a consistent yoga practice, before I incorporated meditation into the very frazzled fabric of my anxiety-ridden life, before I started practicing mindful eating and intention-setting. Yes, I lived fine before my yoga practice, but did I live well? Probably not.

We live in a world where myriad things, people, circumstance, and situations vye for our attention. We are always online, tuned into, eyes glued to a screen, eyes plugged with headphones, fingertips tapping away on keyboards. We do so much that we forget to be. Living can sometimes feel like a cognitive and existential overload. I certainly have days where my attention is so splintered that I am running around in a busy buzz yet I end up feeling so unproductive. This is where yoga jets in and where my practice saves the day. The regularity of my practice of my practice is something that I can take comfort it. My mat is a physical space for me to re-connect and check-in with me. My practice is permission for me to just be…and without feeling the inertial tidal pull for doing.

We live well when we realize the space around us – physical space, psychological space, spiritual space. Most of the universe is empty space. An atom is mostly empty space.

In savasana, my mind wanders in the landscape of my muddled thoughts. My jaw clenches, my sternum heaves and my shoulders rise. Suddenly, I can feel the incremental minutiae of all my movements in my body at once. My breathing anchors the experience. We live well when we realize the space around us – physical space, psychological space, spiritual space. Most of the universe is empty space. An atom is mostly empty space. There is so much space for us to expand, stretch, and grow. This knowing calms me. This is why my practice has helped me, calmed me, eased me into space, taught me how to find grace and beauty and strength in space – the space of my body, the space of time, the space of physical place.

How has yoga changed you?

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